so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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