Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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