you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
