Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
