Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Couch. On fire.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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