so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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