You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So many bounce houses so little time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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