Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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