Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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