we're blogging at a bar
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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