I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
