She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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