it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize