he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
