The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
