On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
