He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
