So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
