Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
