I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
