That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize