she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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