I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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