I'm lost and stupid without you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
