I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
