His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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