i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
