Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
