Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize