Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want nice things and good sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
