So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
