i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
