Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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