Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cat gives me a boner
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
