New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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