All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
