I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
