I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
