Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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