I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
