Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
