If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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