Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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