i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Two words: blizzard sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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