The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
