Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
