I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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