My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
