I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
