I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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