i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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