When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize