Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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