We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
