I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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