White coat. Heels.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
