Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize