My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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