haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
