I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
