This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
True college students do jello shots in the library
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
