You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i came on her dog
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
