Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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