her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
