THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
