I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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