I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
