He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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