You can't motorboat a personality
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
