Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gift wrapped bread.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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