wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
