and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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