need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
