I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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