Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
