plz talk dirty to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
