Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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