i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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